Marg: Thank you. Hello…yes, she died ten minutes ago, this is a recording and when you hear the beep leave your name and number…what’s the matter Daisy, you think I’m a weakling? No, Bill Gopher came by to…Bill Gopher… Bill, what’s your apartment number?
Marg: Number 22 came by to repair the set and we’re eating now. Yes, come up. OK. That was the landlady, she’ll be up as soon as she makes a fresh Bloody Mary.
Bill: She’s kind of weird isn’t she?
Marg: Not really. A widow who raises six kids and lies about her age to get this job so she can remain independent has got to have something going for her. By the way, if she calls you and old fart, it’s a Boston compliment!
Bill: (Laughs) Did you know her before you came here?
Marg: No, I moved in shortly after I got divorced and I think it threw her mother complex into high gear. It’s funny, mention a number in this building and she’ll rattle off all the information, in order, that we submitted on the application form.
Marg: (Laughs) Pretty much… oh she might skip the cab driver. But she means well.
Bill: If you can, swing the conversation to the central conditioning unit, I would like to volunteer to look it over.
Marg: (Background noise, barely audible, of a heavy jelly-like swishing) Shhh…Bill, listen.
Bill: What? I don’t hear anything.
Marg: Get closer to the door, I think it’s coming from the hallway. (Sound loudens then stops)
Bill: (Whispering) Yeah…I hear it. Stand back, I’ll open the door. (Opens door just as Daisy’s prepared to knock)
Daisy:Oh my God, must be telepathic. (Enters) Ahgh! It’s like and oven in here. (Bill starts to close door) Christ, leave that door open and let’s get your temperature down to normal…you look like two cases of ptomaine.
Marg: Hi Daisy, I guess it is pretty sweaty in here. Sit down. (Daisy sits in chair L.) Bill, more wine or would you like some coffee? (Still slightly stunned she picks some dishes off table)
Bill: (Hugs her) Go make the brew Margaret, later I’ll reveal my hidden talent as a dishwasher. (She exits)
Daisey: Well 22, any luck? (Big wink)
Bill: Bill Gopher, Daisy…no, I need to replace a couple of parts. I’m sure I can have it going by tomorrow night. (Fiddles with A.C.)
Daisy: I didn’t mean the air conditioner, Say, I’m glad you kids got together,..you’ve got a lot in common.
Daisy: You’re both single, You’re twenty-eight you don’t want life to pass by and end up a sterile old fart?
Bill: (Laughing) Guess I better start hustling huh?
Daisy: Well that sounds healthy, if I were a few years younger, I’d have been breathing on your door for a screwdriver the day after you moved in.
Bill: (Laughs) Knock off a few years and you’d have gotten a lot of free service Daisy.
Daisy: (Chuckles) You’re OK in my book Bill, I’d even accept the rent an hour late.
Marg: (At kitchen door) Bill, cream or sugar.
Marg: Daisy, can I get you anything?
Daisy: No, I’m too old for anything but bloody Mary’s.
Marg: Oh my god, I’ll get a spade! (Exits)
Bill: Did you hear anything strange as you came down the hallway?
Daisy: No, just number 26 belching in the kitchen. Did you ever hear of an Italian who gets gaseous from garlic?
Marg: (Enters during above, hands Bill coffee and sits above table) Daisy, if I scraped my conditioner, how much would the central unit cost me?
Daisy: $150.00 not including electricity. For you baby, we’ll skip the deposit.
Marg: Bill, how much do you think repairs will run?
Bill: Deduce the meal, $5 or $10 bucks for parts. Daisy, who maintains the central unit?
Daisy: He came with the building. Aerosol Inc. I believe, why?
Bill: Nothing serious, it’s just an occasional sighing when the machines turn off. Since I’ve got the tools here, how would you like a free estimate?
Daisy: Well that’s an idea. This heat is affecting any wits anyways. By the way, keep an eye out for my cats. Seems my own cats and some other tenants pets have gone missing lately. Must be the heat. (Heads to door)
Bill: Margaret, I can’t do anymore here till I pick up some parts tomorrows. If you’re not busy, I’ll finish the coffee later.
Marg: Sure, while you’re doing the dishes.
(Next day, early evening..Bill is standing at open door ringing bell, Marg enters from Kitchen)
Marg: Come in and leave the door open till the temperature goes below 115.
Bill: Whew! Throw a little water around and you’ve got a sauna. (Starts fixing machine.)
Marg: (Exits to K.) Red or white wine..the white is cold.
Bill: The cold naturally. What are you doing?
Marg: Trying to decide what to defrost.
Bill: Forget it, we’re going out to a cool relatively quiet restaurant I know.
Marg: OK, (Returns with wine) Daisy called earlier. She thinks you’re great. Told me to get clean sheets on the bed pronto.
Bill: (Laughs) You ought to change them once a month anyways. You look kind of green, the heat too much last night?
Marg: No, I really slept well. It’s something that happened today. (sits L.)
Bill: Yeah, I know, tell me anyways.
Marg: You mean it’s happened to you? Oh it was sickening.
Bill: Go on, try to describe it objectively.
Marg: Remember that strange sound we heard last night? I was standing at the bus stop both before and after work and heard the exact same jelly-like sludging. This morning I couldn’t even turn to look until I had gotten on the bus. I looked out the door and…and there seemed to be a huge quivering outline just behind where I had been waiting!
Bill: (Sits on arm of couch) You couldn’t see anything solid?
Marg: No, just the edges.
Bill: Hey… drink the juice while it’s cool. A few more nights without an air conditioner and you’ll see more than the outlines.
Marg: Bill, are you serious? What the hell’s going on?!
Bill: (Closes door) I don’t know Margaret, but you look pretty good all sweaty and nervous.
(Bill lunges for Margaret, grabbing her by the arms and dragging her to the bedroom. Unbeknownst to him and under the sounds of the tussle between the two, a jelly-like swishing sound begins to make it’s way up the hallway…)
Marg: AAHHHHH! HELP!
Bill: Shut up! I’ll show you hot!
(The front door creeps open, the visage of a giant potato-shaped creature appears, it slides it’s way in under the light. It’s a mass of the same grayish semi-translucent jelly Bill had been finding in the A.C. units. Only this one has bits of hair, both animal and human, in patches covering its body. Worst yet, inside bones can be seen, even a couple of skulls. It makes it’s way to the bedroom where Bill has pushed Margaret onto the bed. His back is turned but Marg sees over his shoulder!)
(The stage blackens, you hear a strange sucking and plopping sound, rapid footstep and the front door slam.)
(Marg is banging on Daisy’s door)
Daisy: (Answers) What’s going on?!
Marg: (Crying) I…I…We have to get out of here! There’s a monster in the building and it just ate Bill!
Daisy: What in the world are you talking about?! Come in! Come in! Do you smell that? Smoke! (Just then the building begins to fill with white smoke.) We have to get out of here!
(Marg and Daisy rush to the nearest fire escape connected to the back of the building and head down the metal stairwell. As they reach the bottom and turn to the building they see flames coming out of most every window.)
Marg: Oh my! Looks like the heat wave just got hotter!
(The building proceeds to burn almost entirely to the ground with only structural remnants remaining. They blamed it on the heat but Margaret thinks it had something to do with the creature. No one believed her story but rather thought she suffered a mental trauma from the near death experience and loss of her home. As to the blob, we assume in died in the fire, but no one really knows….)